Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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