I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
