we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
