just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
