wakey wakey hands off snakey
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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