He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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