I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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