ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
