I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
