I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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