You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
