I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
