i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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