Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
