now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
