last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
