My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
