just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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