Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
