I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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