She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
