im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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