White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
