OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
