He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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