I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize