Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
