you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
