Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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