Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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