Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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