Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
