Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
