C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
