I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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