I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
