I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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