Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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