I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
