She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
