Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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