i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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