at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
