I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
