I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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