My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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