I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
