He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
