do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
