I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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