I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
where am i from again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Randomize