Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
