do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
did i walk over a car last night?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
