mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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