You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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