i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
