And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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