well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
