I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
