We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
