i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
