He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's always time for handjobs
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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