i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i came on her dog
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
