did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
