I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
