I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
