I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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