We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
