I cut my penus on the lid.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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