i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
