She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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