your room smells of hookers.
And success
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
