there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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