I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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