Yo dont text me then not text me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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