there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She bit a glass in half.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
